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1998. Memory is my Enemy

Items that were on the floor of my apartment in May 1998.

"She said, "The art of longing's over and it's never coming back."
Leonard Cohen: Death of a Ladies' Man

I found one thing in you to praise and on this pebble I built my fortress of love.
Death of a Lady's Man, Leonard Cohen

I know I am a fool, hoping dirt and glory are both a kind of luminous paint; the humiliations and exaltations that light us up. I see like a bug, everything too large, the pressure of infinity hammering at my head. But how else to live, vertical that I am, pressed down and pressing up simultaneously? I cannot assume you will understand me. It is just as likely that as I invent what I want to say, you will invent what you want to hear. Some story we must have. Stray words on crumpled paper. A weak signal into the outer space of each other.

The probability of separate worlds meeting is very small. The lure of it is immense. We send starships. We fall in love.”
-Gut Symmetries, Jeanette Winterson

Songs that remind me of this precise time period, important to me for my own reasons: Pulp - Like a Friend , Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: I Let Love In ( live, from the "best of" bonus disc ), Tori Amos: Spark , Tori Amos: Siren.

I broke my promise not to suffer, and now
I have to start all over again to earn my solitude

-Death of a Lady's Man, Leonard Cohen

This has been Hardcore for a decade

PULP: "This Is Hardcore", released on March 31, 1998 in the U.S.
(yep, I'm a few months behind on this one)

"the sound of loneliness turned up to ten"
(Pulp - The Fear Live)

+ Pulp - This Is Hardcore (Live at Jools Holland '98)
Playing God - Pulp: This is Hardcore
+ EW Review: Cocker's voice variously recalls the playboy decadence of Bryan Ferry, the croaky deadpan of Leonard Cohen, or the high-strung edge of vintage David Bowie.
+ Wiki: "Like Different Class, the album is included in the book 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die."

[ This Is Hardcore (end of the line mix) ]

"Is it a kind of weakness
to miss someone so much? 

"I think I'm getting the fear."

Benicio Del Toro & Johnny Depp, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
Release Date: May 22nd 1998

Johnny Depp Soliloquy
We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug-collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

+ The Rum Diary film is being made.
+ The only way to really own it: The Criterion Collection
+ Fear and Loathing in World 1-1
+ Also, Unreal came out on this same day.

I never wanna see you a sad girl


+ The "Skins" cast: "Wild World"

Keep On Going
Karl Krolow

I go around some street corners
and have an idea in my head clear as a picture
of time between March and October.
I like the cut-out
I'm moving around in,
slowly, toward change,
dying of something, while I
just keep on going, at least for the moment -
how do you write about
still being alive
among objects that are all used up
and possessions that shine,
lists without specifics, so to speak?
Some things just wait for me
to stop defending myself.
In the air
shining insects.

+ Manic Street Preachers, “So Why So Sad (Avalanches Remix)”
why so sad You live and you love
SKINS, series 1 trailer

why I’m the oldest recipient of your on-again, off-again love.

Annabel Mehran

Sky-Meaning I
by Edip Cansever translated by Julia Clare Tillinghast and Richard Tillinghast

No matter the time or place, I’ll always grow for the one who is the sea.
With one thin finger cut in half.
That is why I’m the oldest recipient of your on-again, off-again love.
And that is why I grew up in the desert, with nothing but a single slice of sweet melon.

I’ve made you into a cure, I’ve emulated you.
I’ve torn up some of my poems, and procured new ones.

And if I’ve passed too quickly from one situation to the next—
Not because of blood, not fatally—but through a kind of companionability,
Now, at last, I’m the strength there is in numbers.
It’s just a memory, if I clam up, looking at my finger-stub.

As I open my eyes, you’re the sun hung out on the line.
You’re a blue child, you’re our love
Peering out at me from the middle of a blue warehouse.

+ Madeleine Peyroux: Blue Alert (live)

and &: a miscellany


+ Lost Season 4 & Blu-ray ( When the hell are they going to release season 1?)
+ Santogold and Mark Ronson
+ Call of Duty 4 and Death Cab for Cutie
+ Nintedo and Wiiware
+ Jon Favreau & Iron Man Comic = Sell Out
+ Zune and Steve Niles
+ Classic Disney & Blu-ray = Sleeping Beauty (::Yawn::)
+ IGN fools & Singstar PS3 
+ Elvis Costello And The Imposters: Go Away 
+ Coldplay vs U2Coldplay: Lost
+ Robin Danar + Rachael Yamagata: 2000 Light Years from Home
+ Dark City + Blu-Ray = Fucking Fantastic

"Frank never did like Rock and Roll"

May 14th, 1998. Ol' Blue Eyes passes away.

+Bono introducing Frank Sinatra at the Grammy Awards 1994

    Frank never did like Rock and Roll
    And he's not crazy about guys wearing earrings either
    But he doesn't hold it against me
    And anyway, the feeling is not mutual

    Rock and Roll people love Frank Sinatra because Frank has got what we want:
    swagger and attitude
    he's big on attitude
    Serious attitude, bad attitude
    Frank's the Chairman of the bad
    Rock and Roll plays at being tough but this guy, well, he's the boss
    The boss of bosses
    The man
    The big bang of pop
    I'm not gonna mess with him, are you?

+Sinatra & Bono - I've got you under my skin

+ 10 years after Frank Sinatra's death, daughter Nancy helps keep the legend alive
+ This American Life: Sinatra

Under the Sea, Under the Sea....Bioshock: The Film


+ Verbinski to Direct BioShock Film

Gore Verbinski's next film will take us back to Davy Jones' locker -- but this time, into the undersea world of BioShock.

Variety reports that the Pirates of the Carribean director has been tapped to direct and produce a film based on the critically acclaimed world of the Xbox 360 game for Universal.

+ Gore Verbinski talks about directing the Bioshock movie

Gore Verbsinski: Of all the games out there, I think "Bioshock" is the one that's the most engaging. I think the whole utopia-gone-wrong story that's cleverly unveiled to players is brimming with cinematic potential.


Let's break the walls down And find how to live 'Cause you and I have So much to give


Dear You,

I am getting nowhere with you.

where are you tonight, And how’d we get here?

I’ve been chasing ghosts and I don’t like it

Could I be possibly insane To think you and I have life figured out?

If you try the best you can, The best you can is good enough

The crumbs of love that you offer me, They're the crumbs I've left behind.

I'm in a garden of remembering your fingers in my hand, were like a book made of sand

Just when you feel it
You don't
It's gone forever

Finally it all makes sense
I could keep this all from you

Go away, go away
And leave me on my own


Talking only makes me feel more alone

Adorote by *complejo

Teddy Thompson: I'm Left, You're Right, She's Gone

“Talking only makes me feel more alone,”
you said once in the car outside the clinic.
Two years later, you spoke the same sentence
word for word one night after friends had gone.
Within a month, you’d erased yourself    . . .
Erased? “To absent oneself,” I found scribbled on
a wrapper a year later    . . .
   Now sunlight and tree
shadow rush over the windshield of  the car:
I’m talking with my new wife — then gone, absented.
“Sometimes I feel almost too much joy,”
you wrote from the balcony of  your cheap
hotel in Paris. “What are you thinking?” she asks.
Light shutters across us. Wherever you are
in me I’m there, though it’s not what you wanted.

Infidelity by Philip White

The Supremes: Love Is Here And Now You're Gone (2000 Box Set Version)

The God of Loneliness


The New Yorker: The God of Loneliness by Philip Schultz [via]

I’m one of eight men waiting
for the doors of Toys R Us to open
in a mall on the eastern tip of Long Island.
We’ve come for the Japanese electronic game
that’s so hard to find. Last week, I waited
three hours for a store in Manhattan
to disappoint me. The first today, bundled
in six layers, I stood shivering in the dawn light
reading the new Aeneid translation, which I hid
when the others came, stamping boots
and rubbing gloveless hands, joking about
sacrificing sleep for ungrateful sons. “My boy broke
two front teeth playing hockey,” a man wearing
shorts laughs. “This is his reward.” My sons
will leap into my arms, remember this morning
all their lives. “The game is for my oldest boy,
just back from Iraq,” a man in overalls says
from the back of the line. “He plays these games
in his room all day. I’m not worried, he’ll snap out of it,
he’s earned his rest.” These men fix leaks, lay
foundations for other men’s dreams without complaint.

+ Naruto - Loneliness
+ Review: Power-Up: How Japanese Video Games Gave the World an Extra Life / Another Take

/ a Saturday miscellany /


+ Radiohead - House of Cards @ Conan O'Brien 23/04/2008
+ Radiohead | In Rainbows From the Basement
+ A non-album Santogold track: "Your Voice"
+ The Kills Live at SXSW '08 teaser
+ "Priscilla Ahn - A Good Day epk
+ U2 Star Television
+ Duffy on Jay Leno
+ The Atomica Project: "Gravity"
+ Four Tet's 'DJ Set' Mix
+ Lucibel Crater: "Threadbare Funeral" w/Lou Reed
+ Austin Screening of Heavy Metal in Baghdad Monday May 5th
+ Lost: Something Twisted Back Home
+ Final Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Trailer
+ I like the idea of "Battle of the muxtapes"
+ Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with a Halo 3 fiesta
+ 'Cloverfield' Blu-ray
+ Explore Liberty City with Google Map application
+ The Kooks had a song in Rock Band, right? I recall playing it and liking it.
+ Last Night: M.I.A at La Zona Rosa
+ The Top 100 Comic Book Runs Master List
+ Eisley at ME Television Studios

New York City last week, Liberty City this week

from Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice

I'm suffering from a bit of "too many games out" syndrome. It seems that March/April is the new September/October when it comes to releasing video games. But really, when it comes down to it....


+ 1UP Show: Grand Theft Auto IV Special
- Now the star count goes up to six.
- Oh shit! That's when they send in the Battlestar Galatica to come get you"
+ 'Grand Theft Auto IV' Music Man Explains How Those 214 Songs Made The Soundtrack
+ GTAIV’s Art Director Aaron Garbut on Copycat Games and the Public Bathrooms of Liberty City
+ The history of New York City in video games (via)
+ Grand Theft Auto IV Comparisons
+ Conan O'Brien Shows "Toned Down" GTA IV
+ Boom Blox Theatrical Trailer: Spielberg's Wii Game comes out next week.
+ Speaking of Spielberg: LEGO Indiana Jones Dangerous Times Trailer
+ ScrewAttack: X-Men (Genesis)

Loneliness+Alienation+Fear+Despair+Self Worth....

DC's Final Crisis whiteboard

This equation seems very Grant Morrison...

+ NYT: An Unexpected Comic Book Resurrection: The Flash

P.S. Learn from X-Men 3: If you are going to see "Iron Man" this weekend - Stay After The Credits.

REMINDER: Saturday May 3rd, 2008 is Free Comic Book Day!!!! My pick for best free comic book is "ALL STAR SUPERMAN #1—FCBD 2008 EDITION"

+ Idlewild - Love Steals Us From Loneliness (live)