« April 2012 | Main | June 2012 »

a film that infuriated me


This Fucking movie. When I saw this movie there was no google or IMDB. I went into it not knowing much more than what the VHS box said. I was making my way through all the foreign films that looked interesting at the local independent rental place. It is Almost 4 hours long. Mostly this artist working a painting. A painting that we don't get to see when the movie ends! He hides it inside a wall. I was a teenager and not interested in metaphors and meaning at this particular time. I was just incensed. I wanted to see the stupid painting. I just read that it was based on a Balzac, hadn't heard that before.

I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I’m never gonna get


“One day about a month ago, I really hit bottom. Ya know I just felt that in a Godless universe I didn’t wanna go on living. Now I happen to own this rifle, which I loaded believe it or not, and pressed it to my forehead. And I remember thinking, I’m gonna kill myself. Then I thought, what if I’m wrong, what if there is a God. I mean, after all nobody really knows that. Then I thought no, ya know maybe is not good enough, I want certainty or nothing. And I remember very clearly, the clock was ticking, and I was sitting there frozen with the gun to my head, debating whether to shoot. All of a sudden the gun went off. I had been so tense my finger squeezed the trigger inadvertently. But I was perspiring so much the gun had slid off my forehead and missed me. Suddenly neighbors were pounding on the door, and I dunno the whole scene was just pandemonium. I ran to the door, I didn’t know what to say. I was embarrassed and confused and my mind was racing a mile a minute. And I just knew one thing I had to get out of that house, I had to just get out in the fresh air and clear my head. I remember very clearly I walked the streets, I walked and I walked I didn’t know what was going through my mind, it all seemed so violent and unreal to me. I wandered for a long time on the upper west side, it must have been hours. My feet hurt, my head was pounding, and I had to sit down I went into a movie house. I didn’t know what was playing or anything I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and be logical and put the world back into rational perspective. And I went upstairs to the balcony, and I sat down, and the movie was a film that I’d seen many times in my life since I was a kid, and I always loved it. I’m watching these people up on the screen and I started getting hooked on the film. I started to feel, how can you even think of killing yourself, I mean isn’t it so stupid. Look at all the people up there on the screen, they’re real funny, and what if the worst is true. What if there is no God and you only go around once and that’s it. Well, ya know, don’t you wanna be part of the experience? You know, what the hell it’s not all a drag. And I’m thinking to myself, Jeez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I’m never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. And after who knows, I mean maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that’s the best we have. And then I started to sit back, and I actually began to enjoy myself.”
— Hannah and Her Sisters, Woody Allen

On "The Avengers" or Let's thank Bryan and Mark

I've seen "THE AVENGERS" twice in 24 hours. It is fanfuckingtastic. The second time I watched it there were a bunch of kids and they were having su much fun, this was their Star Wars, I could tell. Not only did I stay through the credits for the scene after them but also to look for two names: Bryan Hitch and Mark Millar.

Instead of writing a whole diatribe about how much their Avengers re-imagination "The Ultimates" influenced certain aspects of this movie, I'll just illustrate. For fun.

Hawkeye as he was pre-Ultimates, then Bryan Hitch's Hawkeye.  

Nick Fury pre, post. 

And so on and so on it goes for other characters.

Considering Joss Whendon wrote an introduction for an art book by Bryan HItch, I'm sure I just missed his name in the credits somewhere. 

I wish I could talk to you in Kisses

Screen Shot 2012-05-04 at 3.23.04 PM

My Translation:  " I wish I could talk to you in kisses. Then I would achive my necessity of you. Also I've dreamed of you, lazy and cloudy dreams. Maybe I remember you more sweet, better, more beautiful than you are, but I miss you. I have a fever, nervous, cold !ah! I need the warmth of your affection that I've forgotten a bit, if I knew I was going to kiss you, if I knew i was going to kiss you tomorrow, I would sleep in tranquility. You are my last hope...Understand, Your job is to forgive me. Everything is made up with the savage affection I have. I'm invaded by a mortal weakness, and absolute nihilism. I have so much happiness that we will pass another year of our lives together. You don't know, brat, how much I love you. I miss you more than bread and water. "


 findingSiberia /  metraesdecabeza

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You


I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood. 

Pablo Neruda


In spite of everything I loved you

“In spite of everything I loved you, and will go on loving you—on my knees, with my shoulders drawn back, showing my heels to the headsman and straining my goose neck—even then. And afterwards—perhaps most of all afterwards—I shall love you, and one day we shall have a real, all-embracing explanation, and then perhaps we shall somehow fit together, you and I, and turn ourselves in such a way that we form one pattern, and solve the puzzle: draw a line from point A to point B…without looking, or, without lifting the pencil…or in some other way…we shall connect the points, draw the line, and you and I shall form that unique design for which I yearn.” 

― Vladimir Nabokov


agony of insomnia


“The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world.”
― Leonard Cohen

“Yet only a few hours later the light of Hell had gone out, and I writhed, I wrung my four limbs, yes, in an agony of insomnia, trying to find some combination between pillow and back, sheet and shoulder, linen and leg, to help me, help me, oh, help me to reach the Eden of a rainy dawn.”
— Vladimir Nabokov

+ If I Could See You Again - Yiruma