« September 2012 | Main | November 2012 »

/2/ our entire self


We do not live
through our entire
self at each
instance of our
in an absolute space
of our bodies
We are sometimes
sometimes foot
sometimes lungs
sometimes liver
sometimes membrane
sometimes uterus
sometiemes anus
sometimes nose
sometimes sex
sometimes heart
sometimes saliva
sometimes urine
sometimes aliment
sometimes sperm
sometimes excrement
sometimes idea
We are not only
dispersed throughout
our bodies
We are also
in the outside
of things
Antonin Artaud





being a playlist in unknown parts(posts)

a soundtrack to myself.  to feel one way or another about life. a coded soul status. feeling like I'm in the wrong time line, these things keep me alive.


My happiness is a kind of challenge

Listen: I am ideally happy. My happiness is a kind of challenge. As I wander along the streets and the squares and the paths by the canal, absently sensing the lips of dampness through my worn soles, I carry proudly my ineffable happiness. The centuries will roll by, and schoolboys will yawn over the history of our upheavals; everything will pass, but my happiness , dear, my happiness will remain,in the moist reflection of a street lamp, in the cautious bend of stone steps that descend into the canal’s black waters, in the smiles of a dancing couple, in everything with which God so generously surrounds human loneliness.
Vladimir Nabokov, Selected Letters

A miscellany of Lists

My Fall Video Game Want Lists

+ My Top 10 Current Celebrity Crushes

Webshows/Pocasts I watch/Listen

+ This Week In Tech
+ Totally Rad Show
+ Weekend Confirmed
+ Invisible Walls
+ Bombcast
+ Daily Grace

A List of Virgo Love Traits

•Very loyal
•Can be possessive, but it’s only because they are scared to lose their loved one
•Very traditional and normally dislikes any frivolous relationships
•Likes security and consistency in a relationship
•Not very good in showing their feelings
•Their love is strong

+ My Amazon Wishlist

"...my future wife is probably doing her calculus homework right now..."

“Most people live through the day with this or that part of their mind in a happy state of somnolence: a hungry man eating a steak is interested in his food and not, say, in the memory of a dream about angels wearing top-hats which he happened to see seven years ago; but in my case all the shutters and lids and doors of the mind would be open at once at all times of the day. Most brains have their Sundays, mine was even refused a half-holiday.”

— Sebastian Knight in The Real Life of Sebastian Knight, by Vladimir Nabokov (via)

I've had a terrible and stressful day. I have to move in a few days and I detest moving. This year's excursion back to Austin was a catastrophic failure. I am ruined. Thank Buddha for my Mistress. She called me and I was able to loose myself in our intellectual conversation of secret origins, missing histories and youthful romances. It added some levity to my agitated state. We are both age-gap inclined so I made her laugh by saying that my future wife is probably 15 at the moment and doing homework, she'll find me in a few years when she's 18. I was trying to emulate the same age difference between my mistress and her very lucky future husband. Making her laugh is the best. Even though all you read is my depressive side here, I think she would attest to how funny I am on the phone. Today I realized just how much truth there is to my principal personal maxim: "I like Smart Girls in Short Skirts", being that two of my closest girlfriends are a doctor in training and a lawyer. I should have been a professor. Teaching and introducing "Lolita" to a new class every semester. Annotating "The Dark Knight Returns" for fun as an extra credit project (I tried to do this in High School and I convinced my English teacher into reading the book and appreciating it). Making fun of Dave Eggers and a long list of elitist literary twats. Elevating the prose issue of Detective Comics by Grant Morrison into the curriculum. Obviously Batman would be my hero with a 1000 faces of choice for discussion. Visiting all the places in Canada portrait in Beautiful Loosers for summer classes on the one book that blew my mind open when I was 18. I would be a peculiar professor no? Affairs with students: optional. This is making me want to watch "Wonder Boys". It's the middle of the night and the silence dictates I put the kind of movie that feels like a safety blanket. Something to make me feel better. "Lost In Translation" it is.  

our love is inexperienced


A strong marriage bond connects Jack Gladney and his current wife Babette in Don DeLillo’s White Noise. Gladney muses: “Sometimes I think our love is inexperienced. The question of dying becomes a wise reminder. It cures us of our innocence of the future. Simple things are doomed, or is that a superstition?” He continues: “Babette and I tell each other everything… turned our lives for each other’s thoughtful regard, turned them in the moonlight in our pale hands, spoken deep into the night… In these night recitations we create a space between things as we felt them at the time and as we speak them now.” DeLillo’s handwritten notes for the novel are featured in the exhibition.
In the Galleries: “Love and Relationships”


One perk of living in Austin that I have not taken advantage of is going to The University of Texas at Austin's Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center to check out the Archive of Don DeLillo. Back when I was really interested in being a Novelist, I got really pissed off at his book "Underworld" because every other page had a paragraph so amazing that it made me give up writing. I can't think of the root cause of why I gave up writing. I think I had an ex that fucked all the talent out of me. She was the PJ Harvey to my Nick Cave. Except Nick at least got "The Boatman's Call" out of that relationship.

Prelude to a Deluge (2) Women and their cute underwear can't be denied

There's a certain irony to the fact that I have always been surrounded by beautiful, drop dead gorgeous female friends, yet I can't get one such specimen to date me. It's that whole "friend zone" thing. I've completely given up. Anyways, as great as a nude is, I much prefer getting a picture of a girl in cute underwear. That's just me. Also, I'm attracted to pretty eyes. I'll take pretty eyes over big boobs any day. What a weirdo.


 some sources: 1, 2, 3 , 4, 5, 6 , 7, 8, 9, 10 

prelude to a deluge (1)

[ Prelude to a Deluge of Posts: Part 1 ]

And I'm working at trying to find a kind of language
where I won't be so easily modulated by expectation.
Kathy Acker

I've druged myself with what I fondly call chemical truth serum. I need relief. My fastidious life has taken such a turn that I just want to dig a hole in the ground and jump inside and cry. Alas, my medicine does not let me cry at all. Any and all "sad"-like feelings get turned into "boredom". Lately I've been thinking long and hard as to why I saved myself. Why did I bring myself back from the brink of extinction? What are all these tribulations leading to exactly? I have to do whatever it takes to avoid self examination.


the end of SKINS


In an interesting turn of events, the last season of SKINS is going to feature characters from the first two generations. Both of my faves are coming back: Effy and Cassie. Although this wiki entry on Cassie's storyline pisses me off. I prefered they had left her story open ended instead of this:

Hannah Murray returns as Cassie Ainsworth, and in the years since her last appearance, she has moved back from New York to London, and seemingly never realized Sid had went to New York looking for her