Lost my voice in New York City


Lost my voice in New York City

never heard it again after sixty-seven

Now I talk like you

Now I sing like you

Cigarette and coffee to make me sick

Couple of families to make me think

Going to see my lawyer

Going to read my mail

Lost my voice in New York City

Guess you always knew

The Pro (1973) from Death of a Lady's Man

Leonard Cohen: Beacon Theatre, New York, February 19, 2009

Question Box


If you have any random questions I AM HERE TO ANSWER THEM. Do you wonder why I'm obsessed with "Lolita"? Have I come up with new weird names for my future off springs? Is J.Lo a disgrace to Puerto Ricans everywhere? et al.

even if I don't I wanted to

Screen Shot 2012-04-02 at 10.21.56 AM (2)

Rachel Yamagata - Even If I Don't.live

I can't think of a song that better pin points where my heart is at right now than the above song by the lovely Miss Yamagata. I thought this other song below was also close but then I realized more than halfway into it that it could actually be from The Girl towards Me.

Rachael Yamagata - You Won't Let Me.live

 Mikko Kuorinki, Wall Piece with 200 Letters, 2010-11 

who dares to ration our relief?


You are outside life, you are above life, you have miseries which the ordinary man does not know, you exceed the normal level, and it is for this that men refuse to forgive you, you poison their peace of mind, you undermine their stability. You have irrepressible pains whose essence is to be inadaptable to any known state, indescribable in words. You have repeated and shifting pains, incurable pains, pains beyond imagining, pains which are neither of the body nor of the soul, but which partake of both. And I share your suffering, and I ask you: who dares to ration our relief? We are not going to kill ourselves just yet. In the meantime, leave us the hell alone.

Antonin Artaud

[ Starsailor: It Hurts Too Much ]

 Untitled By OhhhLordy.NSFW 

I missed the anniversary

I missed the 7th anniversary of this blog.  A Post from that summer that I liked, represented:


...not only am I lonely but alone. I am like an eye dangling by a few nerves from a man’s socket, and I long for detachment or to be part of the body whole, anything but blind useless pain. I have not given up by any means so don’t let me depress you. There are insights to be gained from the tedious chaos. I could do so without such an education but since I have no choice I might as well learn. Laughter is a first in the face of the gods and I will make those heavenly faces  bloody and blue


Blog Posts Written While Dying Of Love

I'm a Fool to Want You 
The Air That I Breathe 
The Girl I Love
Falling At Your Feet 
Do You Remember The First Time? 
I'm In Love With The Tip Of Your Iceberg  
I am not protected from your agitation of my heart 
Some Kinda Love 
Romantic Desires As Inconveniences 
Bobbing for Apples 
Are You The One That I've Been Waiting For? 
Won't you be my baby, baby 
Crazy To Love You 
people /Love/ each other 
It's A Long Life To Always Be /Longing/ 
Do You Miss Me Tonight? 
sneaking into oblivion and other arbitrary choices I have not made 
'Cause I can't find the words and I can't find the songs


Well I only got two emails with questions so I'll answer those.

Tash H: "
what is love?"

That's quite the loaded question. I can't answer it. Baby don't hurt me.

Jeffrey Mc: 1.what is your favorite song of 2009, or better yet the decade

2009: Neko Case - This Tornado Loves You.
The decade: Joseph Arthur - Honey and The Moon

2. why did you start achtung baby? i check it almost every day, but why?!

To share my obsessions with my friends. To tell stories via music, motifs, photography. As a beacon to find like minded people. Just my luck that a large portion of the readers are shy or something. Alas, longtime friendships have been established because of the blog as well.

3. most curiously, what do you do for a living; in so much as what is your "career"?

Being that I am unemployed ( yes, I'm a statistic ) I can get away with this simple answer. As you can tell I like keeping some things private.

4. have you thought about moving to new york?

Every Fucking Day since 2007 when I sort of lived there for half the year due to work. My mum was born in New York so I feel like my life is pilgrimage there. 

0/This post takes place between 12:00am and 12:05am


The goal: 24 posts in 24 hours. Ending at 12:00 am 01/01/2010.
I'm on central time, I think Typepad is on Pacific, so take that into account.

I want to send a big thank you to my collaborators.

I want to
dedicate my efforts to my mom who was sick and in ICU all through Christmas week but is now doing better. My newlywed friend. My NYC/Boston friends. And my PYT muse.

Did you ever go clear?


+ Jimi Hendrix-Stone Free live at Royal Albert Hall

Dear xxxx,
I know you miss your pills, holding on to a memory and time traveling into sleep. The illuminations. The feelings your friends don't and will never understand. The escape. The inspiration. The turmoil. Even though the line is about Scientology, I think of you now when I listen to "Famous Blue Raincoat" and he sings did you ever go clear?

+ Leonard Cohen-Lisbon 2009, Famous Blue Raincoat

Happy Pills