Letters Written While Dying Of Loneliness #1 [ Crazy ]
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on
You asked me how I was doing. I'm quite certain I am tired of that question. It feels like an insult. I don't know where I'm going or how to get there in a hurry. Feeling exiled from the life I used to have.
You asked me to annotate my playlist...
And when you're out there, without care
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
/// Ray Lamontagne [ Crazy ]
This reminds me of my hermit ways. I'm over going out. Nothing out there interest me. A reminder that sometimes I feel incongruent towards her.
I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight
There's a part of me in the chaos that's quiet
/// U2 [I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight.live]
I'm at the absolute bioling point in regards to every single aspect of my life. Something has to happen, but no one can hear me.
I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
///Counting Crows [Crazy For You]
Just thinking of her.
For thinking that my love could hold you
///The Kills [Crazy]
Afraid to loose her.
In a little while I'll be gone
Did you ever go clear?
I know you miss your pills, holding on to a memory and time traveling into sleep. The illuminations. The feelings your friends don't and will never understand. The escape. The inspiration. The turmoil. Even though the line is about Scientology, I think of you now when I listen to "Famous Blue Raincoat" and he sings did you ever go clear?
+ Leonard Cohen-Lisbon 2009, Famous Blue Raincoat
my friends...don't call me..
+ Pearl Jam - Not For You
just waiting on a friend
// The Rolling Stones: Waiting On A Friend/live
You've know me for a long time. When I see red, when I get angry to that level, its the start of an 80's cold war. Our mouths ready at a moments notice to unleash nuclear attacks. Who's going to push the button first? Who's going to negotiate a peace accord? How long will it take?
// Morrissey: Hold On To Your Friends/live
In our rags of light
I had another one of my endless insomniac nights. I was lying on my living room floor with what seemed like a million magazines around me, trying to make some art happen. I was watching the "Live in London" DVD (I've been obsessed with "If it be your will" lately) and thought of you. So I'm mailing you a little something because I was thinking of you. Lets write a poem together one day soon.
remixing your heart one song at a time
In the silence of my lonely room
I think of you
Day and night, night and day
I'm not stopping
I'm still in your blood
(and I) don't want your contemporary anatomy
(because)You are just Like an avalanche
And if you don't love me, would you please pretend?
(because) I look so alone I get obvious
When one is lonely the days are long
Still my heart beats so slow
But now you've got the gist Of what my letters meant.
There is a letter I can't write.
There is a letter you will never get.
It's unnecessary because we both know what it would say.
It has been years but we both want to read it anyways.
I know you want to write it. I know you think about it.
I know you too well. I'll stop saying that when you prove me wrong.
The lines of self-defense.
The wounded forms appear:
The loss, the full extent;
And simple kindness here,
The solitude of strength.
He said, I locked you in this body,
I meant it as a kind of trial.
You can use it for a weapon,
Or to make some woman smile.
My loss, and here we go again
Lonely Sunday Chronicles 
This is it, by this time next week I’ll be there. It has been a tiresome week thus this is short. Sleep beckons.
Of possible interest to you…
+ KORG DS-10: video of four DS units playing KORG
+ The Nintendo DS is your instrument: the Korg DS-10
// Being a Sunday.Night.mixed.media.mix about my week that was
// Priscilla Ahn: Dream (gorgeously live)
I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.
// The Hollies: Air That I Breathe
// R.E.M: I Will Try Not To Breathe
// Sia: Breathe Me (live) | Also used on this Prince of Persia Trailer
// "Mad World" Gears of War Trailer | "How It Ends" Gears of War 2 Trailer
Lonely Sunday Chronicles 
While reorganizing things here at the fortress of solitude, I ran into a book that reminded me of you.
I bought The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Vol. 2 with you when we were on our way to a concert (either Deathcab for Cutie or Spoon). It may have been the first time I ever took you to Austin Books. In any case, I bought the book because I had gifted away the actual issues and never bought the last one. Turns out that I have yet to remove the shrink-wrap on this book and still don’t know how the story ends.
Finding Volume 2 reminded me of November of last year when the highly anticipated follow up, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier was released. I was on one of my business trips when it came out. The weather was absolutely crummy and all day long I had talked myself out of going into the city to go buy it. But as the night came on and I sat bored on a boat on the Upper New York Bay, I decided, “Fuck It, I’m going to Midtown Comics Times Square to get this book”.
Well, that turned out to be a misadventure. I had never been
to that store, sort of knew where it was and went for it on instinct. I hadn’t
really thought about it but I had never been to Times Square at night. I
remember coming up the stairs and noticing how it looked like daytime down the
street. Anyways, I went to the store, checked it out, got my book, stood in a
long line (I’ve never seen a comic book store as busy as this one) and off I
went. I was starving but nothing around me got my attention so I decided I
would eat when I went back to work where I had some leftovers from Lunch.
When I walked out of the store, my sense of direction became confused and I took the subway going uptown instead of going down to the ferry station. It took me a few stops to notice and I was way the hell away from where I should have been. Ok, I get on the right subway, and off the ferry station I go. By the time I get there I missed it by a few minutes and had to wait twenty minutes or whatever for the next one to arrive. I was starving and you know how cranky I get when I’m hungry.
I get to Staten Island and take the same train I always take back to work. What I did not notice, when I was rushing to make the train, was that they had switched scheduled, or train entrances or whatever, and the damn train ended up zipping right by my stop, and kept going and going to who the fuck cares in way inside Staten Island. I didn’t feel so bad when the people around me were voicing their concerns about the train not stopping as expected. One old lady was really freaking out when she would notice the stop names we were passing by. And by freaking out I mean she was really scared. Another lady told her where she thought we were going to end up and that it wouldn’t be long. What fucking ever, it took forever for that train to stop and I was kicking myself for not having had a hot dog or something in the city in addition to being concerned about where we would end up based on the anxiety of the locals.
Sure enough, the train stops at a station I would describe
as dark and dangerous looking. It looked like Jack the Ripper could jump out of
any corner and go on a killing spree and here I was watching over a worried old
lady. Thankfully the other lady on the platform with us was one tough cookie
and had no fear and was nice enough to keep the old lady reassured that everything
would be fine and that the right train way would arrive soon enough. Twenty minutes in
the cold, rainy weather waiting and waiting until it finally arrived. It took
forever to get to my stop, where I had a nice little walk ahead of me in oh so
wonderful fucking freezing weather. By the time I got back to the boat I was
ready to either throw the book to the ocean or eat it.
Sure, when I was cold and walking and hungry and pissed off, I was thinking about how I had made one bad decision after another that night. But in the end I knew that I would always recall this night fondly every time I looked at the book regardless of the misadventures. So, that’s what I think about when I look at these two books on my bookshelf.
Dido: Look No Further
but Among Your Books
Among your clothes
Among the noise and fuss
I've let it go
Being Quotes of the week
In regards to Halloween costumes: "I want an uber-smart, gun suit totting, slutty, flawed and sarcastic bad ass chick, but wishes, horses, all that" - D.
"All I can confirm is that I will be drunk and wearing a catsuit." - B.
"I lived in NYC a short time. Never really got the Brooklyn vibe. Probably because my ex-girlfriend lived there, and she's more dangerous than any Blood..." [via]