So see you when you're 40, lost and all alone


+ 40 Things Turning 40 in 2016
U2, Apple, Alicia Silverstone.

+ 40 Is the New 20
Twenty-year-old women think that forty-year-old men are too old to date. Thirty-year-old men think they’re young enough to date twenty-year-old women, while thirty-year-old women think they’re old enough to date forty-year-old men. Forty-year-old men think we’re all in the same general dating “age range.” Forty-year-old women think that forty-year-old men are too immature for them to date.


It has been years since I was "Happy"

NYFing Cr_m9j877L5oD1qkxrtro7_500

New fucking York, 2009. That's the last time I was happy. That's a lot of years of not being happy for those keeping up. We ( and by we I mean myself, Colleen , Adam & Jessica ) were on our way to the The Highline when we ran into these busts being junked and we took them and had fun with them all day. I miss my east coast friends tremendously.


   Dope Tshirts 



Laid Off Chronicles: two days short of 3 months.I was restless and could not sleep after watching a mostly unfunny "Weeds". Seriously, just pretend it ended with Season 3 if you've never watched the show. I watch out of habit. Anyway, I popped two Ambiens and the next thing I know its 1:30am and I'm running all over the sprinkler system at my apartment complex drinking Coca-Cola out of a plastic flask. It was so refreshing. Alas, the time between when I was taking pictures and I woke up in my bed this morning is missing. Finally, full on Scheduled Amnesia. Lost in the haze was a post about "Nocturnal Nymphets". Maybe it will come to me the next time this happens.
Radiohead Life in a Glass House/live from the album Amnesiac.
Well of course I'd like to sit around and chat


Insomnia sometimes makes you do wacky things. Like laying down my whole backlog of magazines and books in the living room at 3am. And a big fuck you to Ambien for not working or giving me Amnesia as a side effect. I'm all for scheduled amnesia. You can click for larger pictures if you care.



I'm sleeping in a submarine


Laid Off Chronicles: end-of-month-2. Accomplishments: A vacation away from Texas. Spending precious time with my bff and her roomates. Before my trip I'd just watched "The Hunt For Red October" and remembered how much I liked it. So you can imagine the glee in my eyes when I saw a submarine park next to the highway on our way out of Portsmouth. This is a bookmark for myself and my friends of random things I remember from the trip: Santarpios, the "Don't Stop Believing" sing-a-long, Nat 2.0 picture finally made a reality, regressing to mall rat mode, Orange Julius, "UP", The impromptu random funny parts from movies we like festival! (Two of the submissions came from Hot Rod: "Babe" + "Dance" ). That one girl who said "So do you want to be in a Rachel sandwhich?. Hotdogs. "I Know What I like!". Beating Rachel at Scrabble and Uno on my iphone during our car ride. Score!

I'm writing this to you in reverse because my inside is outside


If you've ever wanted to write me, why not do it now?

“In some ways I love everything cause it’s less of a thing than ‘like’, less distinct, less particular. I like things that I like but I love everything. There’s more choice in ‘like’ cause even the worst things have things to love in them.
— Cassie Ainsworth, Skins /via

i miss you when you are not around

I can't sleep and I just watched a dumb movie filmed in NYC which made me miss you, brunch, walks on the Upper East Side at night, Museums, The Park, Duane Reed runs for random stuff, Coffee shops, your laughter, waiting for play tickets, dancing at night, eating late, trying to sleep when they pick up the trash, and every time I've visited rushed completely into one sleepless blink. So I found a picture I took from my first visit, just to make my Hyperthymesia last a little longer.

32 flavors and then some


I wanted to pick my 32 favorite posts but I couldn't do it. Here's 32 and then some....

: sneaking into oblivion and other arbitrary choices I have not made           : scenes from a rooftop party       : The best Friday Night Lights DVD Endorsement ever              : By Jane Hirshfield       : Love is Hell       : Joyce       : Women...       : Curiosities: signed books       : [ Willie Nelson - Lonely Nights ]       : mark z. danielewski       : July was hot       : Robin Quivers asks "What's a blog?"       : Next to the Wound..       : Dear Dominique       : The Face...       : [ Books Written for Girls ]       : K. A.       : Sober Hemingway       : [ I came so far for beauty ]       : Year One       : a starlet then and now       : words they said       : [ A Face In The Crowd ]       : [ Woke Up In A Strange Place ]       : [ I've Loved You All Over The World ]       : //paper moon       : Her name sprang to my lips       : Silliman + Poetry       : Gotcha ! ! !       : Rooms       : Lolita 1990       : [ It's A Long Life To Always Be Longing ]       : You Take Away the Sun       : [ Some Kinda Love ]       : sex for depressives       : Your Cloud       : ..Mug A Yuppie       : LIT Limited Book + CD       : Write Again       : [ Starting Over ]       : [ Neglekted ]       : Pacific Purr vs the Atlantic Ache       : [ Underwear ]       : 2005 + Songs       : [ So Tight_going to town ]       : This hole in my heart...       : [ Ode To A Friend ]       : She sat down at the piano...       : I wish women would hurry up and take over       : [ Marrow ]       : [ I Keep A Close Watch ]       : three moves flat..       : [ Every Time I Try ]       : Era Lo, sencillamente Lo...       : last 30 days of the 20's       : Nobody Knows You When You're Down And Out       : Romantic Desires As Inconveniences       : [ Why Don't You Try ]       : [ ('Til) I Kissed You ]       : [ Thinking About You ]       : Last Year's Man       : downtowntrain       : Commenting       : //mystery        : hope                            : Love generally...       : .a catalog of increasing disasters.       : .Terminal Loneliness and other stories.       : "Love at First Sight" by Wislawa Szymborska       : Ennis       : The Only Poem       : [ Nabokov ] reads from "Lolita"       : My Portable Gaming History       : ODE TO A MODEL       : POETRY...       : match the blog with its muse       : Once I Knew a Hot Girl       : "Some Men fight...       : [ Stateless - U2 ]       : Bootleg       : Wojnarowicz       : Federico García Lorca      : Neruda

+ ani difranco: 32 flavors live
[ Previously....."one flavor short of 32" ]

1998. Memory is my Enemy

Items that were on the floor of my apartment in May 1998.

"She said, "The art of longing's over and it's never coming back."
Leonard Cohen: Death of a Ladies' Man

I found one thing in you to praise and on this pebble I built my fortress of love.
Death of a Lady's Man, Leonard Cohen

I know I am a fool, hoping dirt and glory are both a kind of luminous paint; the humiliations and exaltations that light us up. I see like a bug, everything too large, the pressure of infinity hammering at my head. But how else to live, vertical that I am, pressed down and pressing up simultaneously? I cannot assume you will understand me. It is just as likely that as I invent what I want to say, you will invent what you want to hear. Some story we must have. Stray words on crumpled paper. A weak signal into the outer space of each other.

The probability of separate worlds meeting is very small. The lure of it is immense. We send starships. We fall in love.”
-Gut Symmetries, Jeanette Winterson

Songs that remind me of this precise time period, important to me for my own reasons: Pulp - Like a Friend , Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: I Let Love In ( live, from the "best of" bonus disc ), Tori Amos: Spark , Tori Amos: Siren.

I broke my promise not to suffer, and now
I have to start all over again to earn my solitude

-Death of a Lady's Man, Leonard Cohen

Fall 2004 Nostalgia

U2: How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb
Original Release Date: November 23, 2004

Season 1, Episode 1: September 22, 2004

World of Warcraft
Release Date: November 23, 2004

The Incredibles 
Release Date: November 5, 2004

Tegan and Sara: So Jealous
Original Release Date: September 14, 2004

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas  
Release Date: October 26, 2004

Halo 2
Release Date: November 9, 2004

House M.D.
Season 1, Episode 1: November 16,  2004

2004. I miss you.

Crawling From the Wreckage

Like VN [1] I believe in Fate and this is my current Fate: I have suffered a disastrous data loss. Sometimes hard drives go Kaput. This particular hard drive happened to contain folders with names like "Photographers", "Waiting for a Quote", "Songs in search of a picture" and on and on. Know what I mean jelly bean? All the files I used for this blog ( like an archive of all the little 100x100 icons on the left and right ) and files, notes and ideas I had yet to use. Like in the R.E.M song: "Let's begin again.."

"Nabokov was a monomaniac and he persistently worked-over one big, complicated theme: fate's cruel capriciousness." VN COLLATION #14

out for the week

I'm going to New Orleans for the week. I'll leave you with this:
Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine Torrent



March 6, 2005 -- LOCKED away in the Sony master vault, or maybe Fiona Apple's sock drawer, is an album that's gathering dust - and the kind of momentum that might push the mystery disc into rock mythology. Apple was the teen-age waif who took the rock world by storm with her debut album, "Tidal." Her single "Criminal," released when she was only 19, won a Grammy and propelled her to multi-platinum success.

An indie darling, Apple dated filmmaker Paul Thomas Anderson, and released her second album with an 83-word-long title, usually shortened as "When the Pawn ..."

It tanked.

Her third effort - the mystery disc - is titled "Extraodinary Machine," and was completed almost two years ago in May 2003.

But it was never released.

Frustrated Apple fans have taken to the Internet, lobbying for the album, calling it a masterpiece.

A Sony insider said the fate of "Machine" is no mystery - reporting that the artist and label agree that the record isn't ready to enter the company's catalog.

Sony execs say the album was never officially delivered. "We join music lovers everywhere in eagerly anticipating her next release," a company official said.

Apple, now 27, was not available to verify that claim, but a complete tape of "Extraordinary Machine" - ready or not - slipped out and is now in the hands of 25-year-old radio deejay Andrew Harms, who has been playing its 11 tracks on 107.7 The End, in Seattle.

Speaking to The Post from his offices, Harms said, "This record is amazing - a brilliant piece of music, unlike anything I've heard from Fiona Apple.  [ REST OF ARTICLE ]

+ Jon Brion Interview in which he talks about the album

Apple contemplated never recording another album. Then, in the spring of 2002, Brion and Apple met for their weekly lunch. Brion had recently been ejected from a five-year relationship with the comedian Mary Lynn Rajskub. Making matters worse, the breakup occurred while he was scoring Paul Thomas Anderson's ''Punch-Drunk Love.'' Rajskub had a large role in the film, and Brion spent hours watching his ex on celluloid. Now finished with the score, he was at loose ends.

''Please, please make another album,'' Brion begged Apple. ''I need work that can save me.''

I Luv Halloween


The above is from a card I got from my #1 fan. I even got a Donnie Darko pen! You are jealous and you know it. Been partying up all weekend with my pals. The girls were good and evil and my buddy was Ed from "Shaun of the Dead". My friend Chad had a noose around his neck and a shirt that said "I voted": He was a hanging chad.

I don't know why "I Luv Halloween" didn't come out, but I like the art.

As far as scary movie watching, I'm going to watch The Kingdom II. A few Halloweens ago there was a Kingdom marathon at a local theatre and it was great. I think they alternate between The Kingdom and Twin Peaks. At one point there were rumours of a Criterion DVD edition of The Kindgom. I wish it came true.


a-licious is one lovely and swell girl and today it is her birthday. Actually I call her "evil little woman" most of the time. Here are some choice quotes from conversations with her:

Me: Why don't you get massage?
Her: I want a tranqulizer and I want to leave the planet.

I said: I'm making Valentine mixes for my ladyfriends
she said: "ladyfriends"? what are you, 80? ladyfriends? hahahahaha

J: I heard you only have Strawberry Shortcake underwear?
a-licious: I wish!

A: "stop!, I'm laughing so hard my heart hurts"

A: "Next thing I know I woke up naked with cookies on me"

Questions, You'll answer, I'll read.

Once I had a penpal named Jade. I lost touch with her who knows when, but I'll never forget the questions she sent me shortly after our correspondace began:

Are you religous? If mother theresa was an agnostic and still did everything she has done where would she go when she died?

Age mentally and physically.

Do you believe in determinsim or free will? Why?

Do you are with Heideggar that we are all born into a facticle situation in which we must embrace our situation as inconceivable that it be something else and move on from there--that everything that has happened in your life to this point had to happen and it could be no other way and accept and take full responsiblity for as actions in your life? Why?

Do you perceive yourself more as the ubermensh (Nietz.) or the knight of faith (Kierkeggard) if those were your only options? Why?

Do you think the good of government should supercede the good of the republic? Why?

What is the one thing you want to accomplish in this life?

Do you think humanity will survive another two thousand years? Why?

What experience in your life has had the singlemost impact on who you've become?

What is your philosophy on life?

What do you want to be remembered for?

How do you perceive society at large, women and their role in society, men and their role in society, and minorities and their respective role in society?

Based on the addictions of most great artists, writers, poets, musicians etc., do you think it's possible to become a great visionary of your art without external inducements? Why? (i.e. Jimmy Hendrix, Edgar Allen Poe, Kurt Cobain, William Borroughs, Henry Miller etc.)

Nostalgia is a Disease

All month nostalgia seized me. I kept thinking of spring of 1994 and after I cleaned out my box of letters I actually found movie ticket stubbs from that particular time. I wish I had found my Pulp Fiction ticket, I totally remember that night.



Finding the box of letters made me miss actually receiving them. Pre-Internet boom times were so..tactile.

I realized that last week marked exactly five years since I moved to Austin, and funny enough all week I was thinking about leaving. I was in a funk.

Things that cheered me up this week

Nellie McKay on Whole Wide World with Rita Houston




LIT Scarlett Poster came in the mail. Hot.


Too many new magazines.


A co-worker won an iTunes song on his Pepsi and gave it to me. I got a Norah Jones song.


I was in a crummy mood on Monday and I cought an episode of the [ chappelle's show ] and all was better afterwards.

( chapelle show Slate Article) I saw the above icon here.

And to end such a great streak, I'll go see Spoon tomorrow night.


A fine Friday, new shirt, lots of new bootlegs, a test of my upcoming "Live Tracks" Mix, my friend Sara May is coming over for the weekend, and best news of all: Apple came through and will be sending me a new laptop next week.