But now you've got the gist Of what my letters meant.


Dear xxxxxx,
There is a letter I can't write.
There is a letter you will never get.
It's unnecessary because we both know what it would say.
It has been years but we both want to read it anyways.
I know you want to write it. I know you think about it.
I know you too well. I'll stop saying that when you prove me wrong

+ "You press them to your lips, My pages of concern."

The lines of self-defense.
The wounded forms appear:
The loss, the full extent;
And simple kindness here,
The solitude of strength.

+ Leonard Cohen - lover lover lover/live (1975)

He said, I locked you in this body,
I meant it as a kind of trial.
You can use it for a weapon,
Or to make some woman smile.

+ R.E.M. - E-Bow The Letter

My loss, and here we go again


Dear John, I'm leaving behind an ipod

That's what she said... by ~Wacia

Dear You,

I'm leaving. Inside your favorite book I have left an Ipod with a mix of songs that remind me of you. All your drama and mystery. Your story-like, or cinematic sense about Love. I based it only on songs, musicians and albums I know you're connected to. Why is it that sometimes you meet someone when it is the right time for you but not the right time for them? And then it becomes the wrong time for both of you. You may then have to find reasons to be disillusioned, piece by piece, in small bites, when you are really being amazed, every time you see them, by leaps and bounds. I also included a few other playlists, these are my maps of you.

> U2 - Original Of The Species
> The Velvet Underground - Femme Fatale
> The Smashing Pumpkins - 1979
> Leonard Cohen - The Future
> John Cale - Dying On The Vine
> Tori Amos - Cloud On My Tongue
> Regina Spektor - Real Love
> Eisley - If You're Wondering
> Fiona Apple - Never Is A Promise
> Teddy Thompson - Tonight Will Be Fine

[ I Was in Love with You ]


Where once the waters of your face
Spun to my screws, your dry ghost blows

Dylan Thomas

[ The Gutter Twins - I Was in Love with You ]

She asked: "Remember your last mistake?". I told her all about it.
When I went to sleep, she went into action.
She deleted all her pictures and emails. Packed and mailed any old letters I may have stored away. Anything she thought might remind me of her is Gone. She decided to aid my melancholic memory.

+ Beck - Nobody's Fault But My Own @ the Union Chapel

heartless tales
That drain on you
Who would ever notice you
You fade into a shaded room

Now that you're in with the ladies nothin' that you can't do


[ Rufus Wainwright - In With The Ladies ]

"Who does your heart belong to? " was the firing shot of her inquisition. I had a weakness for her eyes so I told her the truth, as it was then. "It doesn't belong to anyone in particular. It belongs, unwillingly and without notice, to the girl who sings into my voice mail, the girl with the cute wink when she's being cheeky, the devastating beauty who reads Cohen poems, the most disloyal girl I've ever met, and... " She stopped me. "Don't worry, I can hear the emptiness between them." And that's when I knew she had delineated a broken heart out of my little list.

[ Willy Nelson - Somebody Pick Up My Pieces ]

.a catalog of increasing disasters.

letters by ~breakfast

+ Like I Do | Minipop
+ The Letters | Leonard Cohen

Dear xxx,
Your letter was too short. You asked: "How goes your obsession?" My answer: Which one?
: I refuse to give up a love which I believe is good. I believe it's
good because it's not linear, just an obsession; but calm, rich,
and many-angled.[ Kathy Acker ] 

can't ever be by *missbecca
[ I'm Actual (Demo) | The Format ]
+ My Body Is A Cage (live) | Arcade Fire

Dear xxxx,

My hotel room felt like an accident. Hours of being there culminated in an discharge of several letters that were long overdue. But yours never reached you. Don't worry, you only missed a few delineated romances, complaints about culture and miniature compliments to make you smile.

"A tale without love is like beef without mustard--insipid" [Anatole France]

marcio simnch
[ Love is Here | Starsailor ] You can't love what you have not
+ Country Feedback (live) | R.E.M: It’s crazy what you could’ve had

Dear xxxxx,

What I miss the most are your accounts of saturnalia dreams. Maybe even your capricious chasm and your delicate expectations of me. I am bound to ignore the expiration date on our friendship. Eventually. The anticipation could almost be called delight. Am I your subject or your object? I squint to tell the difference.

: I have to erase you out of my life so I can keep on living.
no matter how passionate no matter how perfect no matter
how deep love, it fades and there's nothing. I won't stand for it. [ Kathy Acker ]

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away" [Dorothy Parker] 

Kissing Lips Mosaic

"Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, 'I am with you kid. Let's go.'" [ Maya Angelou ]

+ 'Zing! Went the Strings of My Heart' Video | Rufus Wainwright

P.S. thank you for hearing me

unsent letter

no more kisses by ~apflee

[ Sara Bareilles - Gravity ]

Dear xxxxxxy,

I felt sick at first but I was actually waking up from numbness. It was your existence, it made my guts hurt ( and I need that, I suppose. ) I’ll stop painting a new coat on the rancor in my heart when you stop lying your heart out. Only then will we recall our past and sing it like a karaoke song. I’m your most important footnote, that song you keep listening to over and over. And the ugly irony is that we miss our insanity, it was a pure blissful tension. This is how I came to realize that I need you, in some shape or form.

Your Cloud

.....head in the clouds

// Tori Amos - Bouncing Off Clouds  [Live] | Make It Easy, Make This Easy
// Tori Amos - Cloud on My Tongue [Live] | Leave me the way I was before

I tried to wave the white flag; did you see it through the fog of our cold war? It was sabotage from your side and I was crushed. Despite of it, I still lingered. I learned to erase all the romantic campaigns I was going to launch against you and wondered why you kept me around, like a rare pet dragon you refused to slay.

My Chernobyl Love

Descent, Digital C. Print, 2003 

[ Falling Slowly: Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová - Live ]

You don’t know the latitudes or the amount of inspiration you give me. Is it inspiration or a dose of hope? Don’t mind me; I’m just a media magnet with fantastic anxiety. I’m wallpaper in room that houses your posture. By the time I was staring at your silence, which I took to mean “I’m not an option”, I was dreaming of a thousand LED displays that described my feelings for you.

sneaking into oblivion and other arbitrary choices I have not made

by kreene

[ Sam Phillips - How to Quit ]

The terms of this isolation are unclear
without a mistress or a muse to report to.
I’m close to the atmosphere of your memories,
within dancing distance away from severe longing
and other engineered heartaches.
We’ll be closer as soon as you decipher my quarantine.
My heart is not a pacifist, but I sure try.

Sometimes, I still Miss You

  Photo that would of gone here is this one by Wendy Bevan. Photo removed by the photographer's request.

as manic, melodramatic and misguided as your intensity was
and as plain, puny and pristine as you body was
sometimes, I still miss you.

[ Sting- It's A Lonesome Old Town ]

I only miss you in my sleep.
I only miss you when my pride lets my heart speak.
but all I wanna do is miss you tonight.
all I wanna do is miss you tonight.

- I don’t remember the source

We are all improved by the glow of memory.
- Neil Gaiman

[ Thinking About You ]

©2006 ~AlexiaBleedel

[ Radiohead - Thinking About You(live) ]

Somewhere between cute and precious, I could not stop thinking about you.
Somewhere between precious and adorable, I decided I would walk in fire for you.
Somewhere between adorable and gorgeous, nudity became our enemy.
Somewhere between gorgeous and beautiful, I became static.
Somewhere between beautiful and devastating, I lost you.

Romantic Desires As Inconveniences


"I've had a revelation about you", she said. I became worried. There are only a few things she could transparently know about me. She doesn’t know her power over me and it is my job to never let her know. It is time for an extreme exercise in discipline, so that she doesn't pick up the faint smell of a broken heart.

[ Romantic Desires As Inconveniences ]

“That’s the nature of women; not to love when we love them, and to love when we love them not.”
Miguel Cervantes

The Velvet Underground | Some Kinda Love
I want you | I Want You | iwantyou because All I want is You .
Beck & Sia | The One That I Want

“Thinking up lovers is thinking about lovers you don’t have or miss”
Kathy Acker

Lou Reed | Ecstasy
Tegan and Sara | Dancing in the dark [video]
Giant Drag | Wicked Game
The Ramones | I wanna be Your boyfriend

"What you tell me about in the nights. That is not love. That is only passion and lust. When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve."
Ernest Hemingway

Dresden Dolls | Dance Me To The End Of Love [video]
Teddy Thomas | Tonight Will Be Fine
Radney Foster | Baby I'm In
Rooney | Here Today, Gone Tomorrow
Tom Waits - Somewhere

P.S. - I'll be gone for a while.

text: me
anna rosa krau